I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
