so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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