never play flip cup with pint glasses
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
