My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
