Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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