I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
