i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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