Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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