I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
