I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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