I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
