I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I want her autograph on my taint
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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