I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
