FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
