Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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