Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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