It's like a parade of train wrecks.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
