I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
