I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
