Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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