I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
