I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
