I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
