five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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