dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
