is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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