I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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