Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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