omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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