They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
