Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
