Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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