Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
