i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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