Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
