Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
