dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
