I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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