Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
