If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
