My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
