How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
