i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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