I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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