I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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