Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
