Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
