he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
ttyl tear gas
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
