1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
