Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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