Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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