what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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