from now on my penis is your penis
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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